There are some bad teams in the NBA and then there are some really bad teams in the NBA. They stink more than my– I’ll stop there.
Anyways, they’re bad. So we decided to make a ranking for them since, ya know, tanking is going to be so popular in the NBA this season. Forget power rankings, we know the Miami Heat are always going to top that, but who’s leading the tanking ranking?? Yes, we want to make that a thing.
So let’s get this thing started. First, we’ll sectionalize them by levels of smell, just to make it interesting. Here we go…
(NOTE: This is a preseason ranking and none is based on how they’ve played in preseason because we all know that it doesn’t matter.)
SMELLY UNDERWEAR – Bad, but manageable.
10. Los Angeles Lakers – I feel bad even typing that. THE LAKERS, REALLY? Well this is mostly based on the fact that we don’t know how the Lakers are going to look this season. This could be their only appearance on the ranking. Prove us wrong, LA.
9. Toronto Raptors — They actually have a nice shot at making the playoffs in the Eastern Conference if they play up to their potential, but so often the Raptors fail to do that.
8. Utah Jazz – The Jazz just re-upped Derrick Favors and, in the near future, Gordon Hayward will get his too, but they still don’t have a true face of the franchise. Not yet. They have some nice backup singers, but no Kurt Cobain.
USED DIAPERS – A little worse than dirty underwear, but the smell is very much noticeable.
7. Milwaukee Bucks – The Bucks finally got rid of Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis, but who’ll take all those shots?
6. Phoenix Suns – Eric Bledsoe. And not much else. Next.
ROADKILL – Man, you smell that? What’d we hit?
5. Sacramento Kings – They have so much potential. Too bad potential doesn’t win you anything in the NBA, right? BTW, Ben McLemore is the Rookie of the Year.
4. Charlotte Bobcats – When does their name change back to the Hornets?
DEAD FISH – Yeap, they’re dead. Where are the close pins?
3. Boston Celtics – Rajon Rondo is probably out until December and other than that the best thing on the Celtics roster is Kelly Olynyk’s hair. It’s really good hair, though.
2. Orlando Magic — They’re just so young. They’re definitely not trying to tank, but they just can’t help it.
1. Philadelphia 76ers – When the Sixers traded away their best player, drafted an injured pla—wait, do they have a coach yet? TANKING.