Oct 11, 2013; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Toronto Raptors point guard Dwight Buycks (13) falls over New York Knicks point guard Beno Udrih (18) who holds on to the ball at Air Canada Centre. The Raptors beat the Knicks 100-91. Mandatory Credit: Tom Szczerbowski-USA TODAY Sports

NBA Tanking Ranking: Season Opening Week

There are some bad teams in the NBA and then there are some really bad teams in the NBA. They stink more than my– I’ll stop there.

Anyways, they’re bad. So we decided to make a ranking for them since, ya know, tanking is going to be so popular in the NBA this season. Forget power rankings, we know the Miami Heatare always going to top that, but who’s leading the tanking ranking?? Yes, we want to make that a thing.

So let’s get this thing started. First, we’ll sectionalize them by levels of smell, just to make it interesting. Here we go…

(NOTE: This is a preseason ranking and none is based on how they’ve played in preseason because we all know that it doesn’t matter.)


SMELLY UNDERWEAR – Bad, but manageable.

10. (10) Los Angeles Lakers – It’s official, Kobe is out for the season opener.

9. (9) Toronto Raptors — I want to see how they look before I take them out of this ranking. If all goes well, we shouldn’t see them on this list anymore this season.

8. (8) Utah Jazz – The Jazz have talent, let’s see them start to develop it. I’m expecting big things from Derrick Favors.


USED DIAPERS – A little worse than dirty underwear, but the smell is very much noticeable.

7. (7) Milwaukee Bucks – Did you know the Bucks were the most searched NBA team on Yahoo! during the past 30 days? Weird.

6. (5) Sacramento Kings – They have so much potential. Too bad potential doesn’t win you anything in the NBA, right? BTW, Ben McLemore is the Rookie of the Year.


ROADKILL – Man, you smell that? What’d we hit?

5. (6) Phoenix Suns – Nothing has changed. Eric Bledsoe and not much else. Oh yea, and now they traded Shannon Brown and Marcin Gortat. Eh.

4. (4) Charlotte Bobcats – Al Jefferson…anybody?


DEAD FISH – Yeap, they’re dead. Where are the close pins?

3. (3) Boston Celtics – I have Kelly Olynyk winning the Rookie of the Year award. That’s good, right?

2. (2) Orlando Magic — The Magic might not be as bad as I have them here, but let’s see how they do in week 1.

1. (1)  Philadelphia 76ers – I’m rooting for Michael Carter-Williams this season but God help him.

Tags: Boston Celtics Charlotte Bobcats Los Angeles Lakers Milwaukee Bucks NBA NBA Offseason Orlando Magic Philadelphia 76ers Phoenix Suns Sacramento Kings Toronto Raptors Utah Jazz

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