Nov 3, 2013; Auburn Hills, MI, USA; Boston Celtics small forward Gerald Wallace (45) talks to power forward Brandon Bass (30) and power forward Kelly Olynyk (41) during the second quarter against the Detroit Pistons at The Palace of Auburn Hills. Mandatory Credit: Tim Fuller-USA TODAY Sports

NBA Tanking Ranking (Week 2)

There are some bad teams in the NBA and then there are some really bad teams in the NBA. They stink more than my– I’ll stop there.

Anyways, they’re bad. So we decided to make a ranking for them since, ya know, tanking is going to be so popular in the NBA this season. Forget power rankings, we know the Miami Heat are always going to top that, but who’s leading the tanking ranking?? Yes, we want to make that a thing.

So let’s get this thing started. First, we’ll sectionalize them by levels of smell, just to make it interesting. Here we go…week 2…


SMELLY UNDERWEAR – Bad, but manageable.

10. Toronto Raptors

LW: 9

Record: 2-1

The Raptors haven’t beaten anybody, their record is fool’s gold. 


9. Philadelphia 76ers

LW: 1

Record: 3-1

They Sixers finally lost on Monday night but they did win some impressive games last week. They’re not the worst team in the league, at least not right now.


8. Phoenix Suns

LW: 5

Record: 2-1

I still don’t know who or what the Suns are. Although, Eric Bledsoe is going to be a beast of a player. They really messed up in not extending him before the Oct. 31 deadline.


USED DIAPERS – A little worse than dirty underwear, but the smell is very much noticeable.

7. Sacramento Kings

LW: 6

Record: 1-2

The Kings opened the season with a two point win over the Nuggets. That was when we thought the Nuggets were actually solid. They’re not. 


6. Milwaukee Bucks

LW: 7

Record: 1-2

The worst thing about the Bucks is that they don’t want to accept the Tank. Somehow, they’ll probably end up in the thick of that battle for the 8th seed in the Eastern Conference Playoff picture. 


ROADKILL – Man, you smell that? What’d we hit?

5. Orlando Magic

LW: 2

Record: 2-2

Did you see that Oladipo dunk? They’re not as bad as we though they’d be. 


4.  Denver Nuggets


Record: 0-2

Man, who saw this coming? What a start to the Brian Shaw era in Denver. THE CURSE OF THE GEORGE KARL! 


DEAD FISH – Yeap, they’re dead. Where are the close pins?

 3.  Utah Jazz

LW: 8

Record: 0-3

The Jazz just need that point guard. They have some nice big men, but apart from Gordon Hayward, not much else.

2. Charlotte Bobcats

LW: 4

Record: 1-2

Michael Jordan says his Bobcats aren’t tanking…on purpose. 

1.  Boston Celtics

LW: 3

Record: 0-4

Oh my, how the mighty have fallen. This is expected though. However, when Rajon Rondo returns he could end up ruining everything. Let the C’s tank, Rondo… 


Tags: Boston Celtics Charlotte Bobcats Denver Nuggets Milwaukee Bucks NBA Orlando Magic Philadelphia 76ers Phoenix Suns Sacramento Kings Tanking Toronto Raptors Utah Jazz

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