Nov 11, 2013; Salt Lake City, UT, USA; Denver Nuggets point guard Ty Lawson (3) attempts to dribble around Utah Jazz point guard John Lucas III (5) during the first quarter at EnergySolutions Arena. Mandatory Credit: Russ Isabella-USA TODAY Sports

NBA Tanking Ranking (Week 3): Utah takes the lead!

There are some bad teams in the NBA and then there are some really bad teams in the NBA. They stink more than my– I’ll stop there.

Anyways, they’re bad. So we decided to make a ranking for them since, ya know, tanking is going to be so popular in the NBA this season. Forget power rankings, we know the Miami Heat are always going to top that, but who’s leading the tanking ranking?? Yes, we want to make that a thing.

So let’s get this thing started. First, we’ll sectionalize them by levels of smell, just to make it interesting. Here we go…week 3…


SMELLY UNDERWEAR – Bad, but manageable.

10. Charlotte Bobcats

LW: 2

Record: 3-4

The Bobcats are playing better, and on Monday they returned Al Jefferson — their free agent jewel. 

9. Los Angeles Lakers


Record: 3-5

The Lakers quick start is starting to flame out. On Monday, it was reported that Steve Nash will miss at least two weeks due to a back injury. That can’t help the cause. 

8. Boston Celtics

LW: 1

Record: 4-4

Every time I want to stick a fork in them they turn around and do something like beating the Miami Heat. Sheesh. By the way, I couldn’t have been more wrong about Kelly Olynyk. 


USED DIAPERS – A little worse than dirty underwear, but the smell is very much noticeable.

7. Detroit Pistons


Record: 2-3

I had been giving the Pistons the benefit of the doubt, because of the talent they have on that roster. But for some reason, they haven’t been able to put it together yet. I still believe this team is a playoff team, they’re just not playing like it right now.

6. Orlando Magic

LW: 5

Record: 3-5

This team is going to fluctuate all season long. Sometimes they’re going to look good, sometimes they’ll look putrid. Right now, they’ve lost three in a row — two of those losses against the Celtics. 


ROADKILL – Man, you smell that? What’d we hit?

5. Milwaukee Bucks

LW: 6

Record: 2-3

I have no idea what the Bucks are thinking.

4. Washington Wizards


Record: 2-4

The Wizards have the ability to be a solid team. Right now, they just aren’t that. Bradley Beal is starting to come on, so maybe that will jumpstart this team.


DEAD FISH – Yeap, they’re dead. Where are the close pins?

 3.  Denver Nuggets

LW: 4

Record: 2-4

The Nuggets were supposed to be a dangerous team in last year’s playoffs. This year, they’ll be on vacation during the playoffs. Sad. THE CURSE OF GEORGE KARL!

2. Sacramento Kings

LW: 7

Record: 1-5

I really thought that Demarcus Cousins had turned the table and was going to turn into a budding star. Nope. Nah. No. 

1.  Utah Jazz

LW: 3

Record: 0-8

Trey Burke, where are thou?  

Tags: Boston Celtics Charlotte Bobcats Denver Nuggets Detroit Pistons Los Angeles Lakers Milwaukee Bucks NBA Orlando Magic Sacramento Kings Utah Jazz Washington Wizards

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