With New Year’s Day finally upon us, it’s the perfect time for Sir Charles In Charge to release each team’s New Year’s Resolutions.
Editors note: This post is written with snark and was put together at 4 a.m. after I had one too many root beer’s. Enjoy.
Atlanta Hawks – Overcome the loss of Al Horford.
Boston Celtics – Find a way to keep Rajon Rondo and/or figure out a way to get Brad Stevens to properly tank.
Brooklyn Nets – Invent a time machine, go back in time, never trade for Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett and never hire Jason Kidd. Simple.
Charlotte Bobcats – Figure out a way to get Michael Jordan to step down.
Chicago Bulls – Find a team that is willing to trade for Luol Deng. Find another team that is willing to trade for Carlos Boozer.
Cleveland Cavaliers – Bring LeBron James back home.
Dallas Mavericks – Find Dirk Nowitzki a fountain of youth.
Denver Nuggets – Find the fountain of consistency.
Detroit Pistons – Get Josh Smith to stop shooting three’s.
Golden State Warriors – Avoid the San Antonio Spurs and Oklahoma City Thunder in the playoffs.
Houston Rockets – Defense. Defense. Defense.
Indiana Pacers – Have the Miami Heat contracted from the Eastern Conference.
Los Angeles Clippers – Acquire Andrew Bynum, or any other post that will add frontline depth.
Los Angeles Lakers – Convince Kobe Bryant to sit out the season, trade Pau Gasol and TANK HARD.
Memphis Grizzlies – Reset the season.
Miami Heat – Have Dwyane Wade undergo knee replacement surgery.
Milwaukee Bucks – Hope the ping pong balls bounce your way, then hope Jabari Parker likes Wisconsin.
Minnesota Timberwolves – Buy Ricky Rubio a jump shot.
New Orleans Pelicans – Lock up Anthony Davis before he realizes how good he is and that he’s playing in New Orleans.
New York Knicks – Trade Carmelo Anthony, fire everyone. Everyone.
Oklahoma City Thunder – Hope Russell Westbrook can stay healthy when he returns and for the foreseeable future.
Orlando Magic – Find some good assets in return in any Arron Afflalo trade.
Philadelphia 76ers – Don’t make a foolish trade.
Phoenix Suns – Get Eric Bledsoe to sign looooooong term in Phoenix.
Portland Trail Blazers – Hope the fast start isn’t just that – a fast start.
Sacramento Kings – A year of maturity, followed by a summer of maturity.
San Antonio Spurs – Good health.
Toronto Raptors – Continue to bait the New York Knicks into panic trades.
Utah Jazz – Find hope for the future in Trey Burke.
Washington Wizards – Make the playoffs, make some noise.
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