We can’t bring you Game of Thrones back any sooner, but we can gear you up for the 2017-18 NBA season by looking back at the best quotes from the show
The NBA and Game of Thrones. It’s like picking which of your children you love more.
(actually, for those of you with kids, this is probably a bad analogy).
Both are awesome. Both are all-consuming. They both make us spend way too much time deep in thought about something that has no direct impact on our lives.
I, for one, am here to admit my hopeless addiction, and do one better: we’re going on an all out binge!
Without further ado, here is your 2017-18 NBA season broken down by ten classic Game of Thrones quotes…
"“Hate’s as good a thing as any to keep a person going. Better than most.”"
-The voices inside his head to Kevin Durant (not that he’s listening, of course)
The Kevin Durant Twitter Kerfuffle (I refuse to call it a scandal) was perhaps the ultimate 2017 sports story in terms of understanding the mind of the millennial athlete. “NBA star Kevin Durant made up fake Twitter handle to defend self against antagonizing fans.” Read that sentence to 1998.
Remember the Sports Illustrated cover from a few years ago which detailed all the times that Durant has finished 2nd in his life? Of course you don’t – my dad doesn’t even get magazines delivered anymore. Regardless, it existed, and apparently, so still does the sentiment that drove him back then.
Even as he was collecting his hardware on the NBA Finals podium in June, there was no talk that Durant had elevated to the status of the league’s best player. Clearly, this did not sit well with him.
By the end of this season, he’ll have to find a new imaginary chip to dust off.
The real problem is that the Warriors were never seriously challenged in last year’s playoffs, and as a result, the media narrative surrounding his ascension never hit a crescendo.
This year, with multiple Royal Rumble-level playoff series awaiting Golden State before it even gets out of the West, he’ll have ample opportunity to pump up the volume. If he collects another MVP on the road to a second Finals MVP – joining Michael, Magic, Larry, Kareem, Timmy, LeBron and honorary team captain Bill Russell as the only ones to pull off the feat – he’s officially in the discussion for the NBA’s pantheon (h/t Bill Simmons).
His entire career has been building towards this season. The haters – real or perceived – are in for a show.
"“Chaos isn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get to try again. The fall breaks them. And some, are given a chance to climb. They refuse, they cling to the realm or the gods or love. Illusions. Only the ladder is real. The climb is all there is.”"
– The Rockets and Thunder, to the Warriors
Perhaps the most famous non-Jon Snow related quote of the entire series is reserved for the two teams who did something that few others dreamed of doing when this offseason began. They went for it, because come playoff time, the team that ends up at the top of the ladder isn’t always the one you thought would finish there.
You could put any five non-Warriors in the league on the floor at the same time and they still might not be better than a healthy Golden State squad on their best day. That didn’t stop the Rockets and Thunder from making their move.
And why not? Crazy shit happens in the playoffs. Don’t believe me? The ’16 Cavs, ’11 Mavs, ’04 Pistons, and ’95 Rockets (a six seed!) would all like a word with you.
Having a top-seven player in his prime doesn’t exactly happen every day. Rather than throwing a season away before it even started and handing the Warriors another title, the Rockets and Thunder just said “WTF…we’re all in.” Now Golden State at least needs to look at its cards.
That neither team paid top-dollar for any of the stars they acquired this summer should have about 20 of the league’s owners checking to make sure their GM’s aren’t asleep under their desks. Regardless, they shouldn’t receive any less kudos for having the hutzpah to push their chips in the middle of the table.
Speaking of the giving away your best player for $.35 on the dollar…
"“We’ve had vicious kings and we’ve had idiot kings, but l don’t know if we’ve ever been cursed with a vicious idiot for a king”"
– The rest of the league to the Pacers and Bulls
It’s one thing to have a top-ten NBA player and lose him for nothing. Cleveland, Miami and Oklahoma City did what they could and, well…tough nuts.
It’s another thing to be boxed into a corner and forced to deal a really good player for a middling return. For all the Clippers’ and Knicks’ decades of combined incompetence, the trades they pulled off this summer were the best they could do given the circumstances.
But for one team, let alone two, to trade an elite NBA talent for the equivalent of a stack of free vacuum coupons at the local carwash is a travesty that even Joffrey would scoff at.
Thanks to their combined incompetence, the NBA landscape may be inextricably altered for the foreseeable future.
The Lakers were sitting pretty, thinking Paul George was a done deal. Now they have to wonder if a star in his prime would leave a team that is at least a 50/50 bet to make the conference finals every year for the foreseeable future. (actually, maybe OKC fans shouldn’t answer that question…)
The Wolves figured to have another few years of growing pains. Now they plugged Jimmy Freaking Butler in place of exactly no one who helped them win games last year.
The rest of the East was counting on LeBron’s Hollywood takeover, but does he still want to deal with the bloodbath that awaits him out West? (Did that make you feel better Cavs fans? No? It’s almost like you’ve seen this movie before…)
So yea…way to go Kevin Pritchard and GarPax. You not only left a messy one, but you got some on the toilet seat and didn’t even bother to wipe it off. Pacers and Bulls fans all hope you both take a nice big swig of wine at your next grand birthday gala.
"“The next time you raise a hand to me will be the last time you have hands.”"
– Kristaps Porzingis to the Knicks
We knew there was something about this blond foreigner from the moment they first appeared. Physically unparalleled, they captivated audiences in a way no one else could possibly approach. They were the bright shining star for a downtrodden people in need of – more than anything else – pure, simple, hope.
And then the Knicks started to piss off Kristaps Porzingis, because the Knicks, like Daenerys’ brother, don’t know how to get out of their own way and accept when fate throws you a bone. One skipped exit meeting and one summer in the homeland later, the Knicks know better than to anger the franchise with their usual dicking around.
Point taken. Now all that’s left for the real life embodiment of Drogon to do is reign fire on the league a’la the loot train battle. The Knicks may not have a Dothraki hoard to flank him, but the fire is coming. Soon.
"“The day will come when you think you are safe and happy, and your joy will turn to ashes in your mouth.”"
– Reality, to the Sixers and Wolves
Aside from those of the Warriors, Rockets and Thunder, no fan bases enter the 2017-18 season feeling as good about their teams as those in Minnesota and Philadelphia.
Who can blame them? The Sixers have won two playoff series in sixteen years, and the Wolves haven’t been to the postseason since 2004. Each is feeling better right now than at any point this decade. They both have legit three-man cores, and Embiid and Towns both top out at “transcendent” on the potential meter.
All well and good. They’re both still a year away.
First the Sixers. Barring a major injury, the Cavs, Celts, Wiz, Raps, and Bucks are all locks for the playoffs. The Heat and Hornets have flaws, but are both well coached and laden with vets. That leaves the Sixers battling the Pistons, Pacers, and Nets (I’ll wait for the room to quiet down. Still waiting…stiiiiill waiting…thank you) for the final spot.
None of those teams seem poised for a tank job, and in the Nets’ case, they have zero incentive to do so. Philly, meanwhile, will be starting two rookies. Rookies usually suck, even first overall picks. Plus, if last season is any indication, Joel Embiid will not be even remotely pushed this year and might top out at 60-something games played.
Saying the Sixers will miss the playoffs is mildly controversial; picking the Wolves to stay home for the dance is bad for your health among NBA nerds.
Will Minnesota outscore people? The Wolves made fewer three pointers than any team in the league last season, and traded their best three-point shooter in the Jimmy Butler deal. They’ll get buckets, but it’s not going to come easy.
Ok, so is the plan to win their fair share of 92-88 games this year? That’s a big ask for a team that statistically was the fourth worst defense in the NBA last season.
Jimmy Butler is awesome, but is he – plus improved versions of Towns and Wiggins – worth ten wins? That’s the jump they’ll need to make to sniff the playoffs this year, and it’ll likely be more like 13 or 14 games. That’s not nothing.
Here’s betting they’re in a dogfight until the season’s final days. They’ll be joined by no less than seven teams for four spots, including several – the Clippers, Grizzlies, Blazers, and yes, Mavs – with playoff pedigree. Minnesota will not be walking in unchallanged.
"“We’ll come out behind them and f*** them in their arses!”"
-The Spurs to the rest of the league.
Tyrion Lannister’s moment of glory came in the unlikeliest of places. Oh, he’d have his day…at the table of the King’s Hand or in the Throne Room. Anywhere but the battlefield. In using the tunnels beneath King’s Landing, he not only surprised his enemies, but his doubters as well.
The Spurs have pulled off some doozies while flying under the radar over the past two decades, but seizing the crown this year would be as unheard of as Tyrion’s sneak attack at the Battle of Blackwater.
Heading into the 2017-18 NBA season, there has been more ink spilt over who will start at point guard for the Nets than over the most successful sports franchise of this century and their chances at a sixth ring. It’s a running September joke how “no one is talking about the Spurs.” This year it’s not funny.
In a league where (in no particular order) superstar talent, coaching, continuity, depth, versatility and organizational competence are the most reliable components of a successful NBA franchise, the Spurs finish first in arguably every category. Sure, they have one big name whereas other teams boast two and three, but that’s never stopped them before. And let’s not forget the 21-point lead in Game 1– an under-the-radar all-time great NBA “what if.”
Doubt the Spurs at your own risk, but anyone selling stock in Pop, RC, Kawhi & co before the season even starts hasn’t been paying attention. Just know that they fear no one, and they’re coming. Best watch your arse before its too late.
"“If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.”"
– the Sacramento Kings to the New Orleans Pelicans
By the time Ramsay Bolton got done with Theon Greyjoy, he was a withering shell of a man, afraid his own shadow was going to pop up and beat him over the head.
Kings fans can sympathize. Half a decade’s worth of Boogie will do that to you.
Unlike poor Leon, the Kings appear to be finding their way out of the darkness rather quickly. The Pelicans, on the other hand, have only had the introductory lesson in what life is like with a guy for whom the phrase “mercurial talent” should be trademarked. The full tutorial is on the way.
The problem for New Orleans is that the stakes are much higher than they ever were for Sacramento. How often does a team get lucky enough to land a talent like Anthony Davis? There are at least a dozen franchises that have never been so fortunate. And they put their final eggs in the basket of a guy who did this and said this.
(By the way, do you know how complicated it was to find those? Google “Crazy DeMarcus Cousins” and enjoy the ride to looneytown)
The Pelicans are hoping the net rating of 2.8 in the roughly 400 minutes Davis and Cousins shared together over 17 games last season is a sign of things to come. Such a figure would have been 9th in the league, so that’s something.
But what about the minutes they don’t share the court? Or the fact that the Pelicans went 7-10 after bringing Cousins aboard even though they had zero incentive to tank?
The Trojan Horse has only started to unload. The city will be burning by February.
"“Winter is coming”"
– Anyone with a clue, about Giannis Antetokounmpo
Yea, we’re giving it to the Freak.
If Bill Simmons were still writing his annual trade value column, he’d have one hell of a dilemma on his hands this year.
The Warriors, if they keep the band together, are as safe a bet to win a title this year as any in recent memory. They’d be insane to trade anyone that made that outcome even 5% less likely. Karl-Anthony Towns is 21 years old and might be the best center in the NBA before the end of this season. Russell Westbrook is the reigning MVP at the helm of a legit contender, and he’s locked up for 6 years. Kawhi Leonard – quad be damned – is the brainchild of Cyberdyne Systems and was created by Skynet. He is not human.
Giannis is more untouchable than all of them.
He lead the Bucks in point, boards, dimes, steals and blocks last year – only the fifth player to do so since the league began recording steals and blocks 44 years ago. Scottie Pippen and Dave Cowens were 29 when they accomplished the feat. Kevin Garnett was 26, LeBron 24.
Giannis was 21 when last season began. He has not yet learned how to shoot, but it’s coming. In the past three seasons, his threes attempted has risen from .5 to 1.4 to 2.3 while his percentage has increased from .159 to .272.
Essentially a non-shooter last year, he was still fourth in BasketballReference.com’s VORP ranking after Russ, Harden, and James. How teams plan on guarding him when he can make even a third of his attempts from deep is anyone’s guess.
"“Death is the enemy. The first enemy, and the last. The enemy always wins, and we still need to fight him.”"
– The Raptors, to whoever remembers they’re still here
Perhaps it’s fitting that a line delivered North of the Wall to the King of the North is so applicable to the Team of the North.
The Raptors know they can’t beat LeBron James. They know that should the King of Akron depart to become the Prince of Hollywood, they probably won’t be able to beat the Celtics the year after that. Hell, by that time, they might not even be a match for the Sixers.
No matter. The North doesn’t back down from a fight.
From a PR standpoint, it wouldn’t have been easy to press the reset button and let Kyle Lowry and Serge Ibaka walk, but logistically, they were as primed as any team to catapult head first into the deep end of the tanking pool. DeMar DeRozan wouldn’t have been a fit on many teams, but someone would have bit. They already have some interesting young talent. The turnaround time would have been relatively quick.
Alas, their watch has not yet ended. No, there’s no defeating death, just like there’s no changing the Raps incredible predictability and slogged up offense come playoff time. But to rip apart this core while they’re still functionally above-average would have been downright cowardly.
As is the case every year, death is coming. The Raptors will go down swinging.
"“You know who’s coming for you. You’ve always known.”"
– Magic Johnson to LeBron James
Just as the Hound and the Mountain have been nearing their climactic showdown for the entirety of the series, we always knew LeBron James would have a final act for his career. We just didn’t know where. Until now.
When word first started to spread about LeBron’s desire to head West, the Lakers’ cap situation was still so bad that it would have made Billy King blush. Since then, they’ve unloaded the Mozgov deal. That was step one.
Step two will come when some sorry team pays the Jordan Clarkson tax in February for the right to overpay Julius Randle in July.
Step three comes when they package Brandon Ingram with the remaining two years and $36 million left on Luol Deng’s deal for a star on a bad team in need of a rebuild. (BTW, how fitting would it be if Marc Gasol got traded from the Grizzlies to the Lakers exactly ten years after LA sent him to Memphis in exchange for his brother? Don’t rule it out…)
By the time all that’s done, they’ll have just enough room to offer both LeBron and Paul George max deals.
Must Read: NBA Power Rankings: 2017-18 Season opening edition
Lonzo, Big Spain, PG13, and the King? Just when you thought the NBA couldn’t get any more interesting…
But like the next episode of everyone’s favorite incest-fest, we’ll all have to wait a year for that. For now, let’s tip off this bad boy. Winter is here.