Oct 30, 2013; Toronto, Ontario, CAN; Toronto Raptors guard DeMar DeRozan (10) goes up to make a basket as Boston Celtics center Vitor Faverani (38) and Boston Celtics forward Brandon Bass (30) look on at the Air Canada Centre. Toronto defeated Boston 93-87. Mandatory Credit: John E. Sokolowski-USA TODAY Sports

The woeful Atlantic Division: ‘Ice berg straight ahead’


If the Atlantic Division were a ship, it wouldn’t be the Titanic. That ship had at least somewhat of a good run before it went down. The Atlantic Division never had such run. It just went down.

I’m not even sure where to start, I don’t know if there is even an ideal place to start. But let’s see: do we begin with a star-studded team with a coach that has exactly no idea what he’s doing, or do we go with a team that is so highly overrated by a delusional fan base? How about with a team that is supposed to be one of the worst clubs in the NBA, but is actually playing a whole lot better than we all predicted? Why don’t we just open up with a team that isn’t even from the United States?

Better yet, let’s start with the team that has a coach that looks like the class nerd that we all neglected because he had his hand raised before the teacher even finished the question. Yea, we’ll start with the Boston Celtics.

 

THE C’S

First, we have to address this: Kelly Olynyk has disappointed me. I had high hopes for him – mostly because he has the best hair in the NBA – but also because I picked him as my NBA Rookie of the Year. I was wrong about both. Sad. So now to the less important stuff: their play on the court.

So the Celtics are 4-8 and are just basically one game out of first place. Ha. Boston is 26th in offensive rating and is exactly in the middle, 15th, in defensive rating. The good thing is that they are only averaging a six-point loss. Wait, what?

Hold up, I found something that the Celtics are good at: They are third in the NBA in points off turnovers! So if you turnover the ball against them, they’re lethal at getting points off them. Be warned.

Boston is currently on a four-game losing streak and has the Spurs tonight, the Pacers on Friday and the Hawks on Saturday. Yikes. In a blink of an eye the Celtics could be 4-11.

Yeesh.

Next up, the team that no one expected to be here….

 

STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM AND NOW WE’RE HERE…. BY DEFAULT

The Philadelphia 76ers started this season at the top of everyone’s Tanking Ranking, or at the bottom of most people’s Power Rankings. Now, they’re here! Leading the Atlantic Division on November 20. Their best player is a rookie and they have an Evan Turner, who somehow still hasn’t gotten traded simply because he’s out there playing hard. Ok, that’s all in good fun. Of course they’re playing hard. But the fact that Turner is having arguably his best season is quite hilarious. The time when they don’t need his greatness, he’s providing it – assuming the plan heading into the season was to tank.

Honestly, if the Sixers make the playoffs, that should be the story of the year. The way we were acting when they opened the season on a winning-streak was absolutely amazing. Twitter was abuzz and we had no idea what life this was. Ah, memories.

 

WE DON’T KNOW IF WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD OR NOT…LET’S JUST BE BAD 

I liked the Toronto Raptors as a sleeper team in the Eastern Conference. The fact that they can’t take a lead in a division that is led by a Tanker top spot honoree, makes me doubt them. I should’ve known better than to trust Canadians (I know their players aren’t from Canada, I just like saying that).

It feels like the Raptors don’t know whether to be good or bad. It’s like their own division is confusing them and I don’t like that.

From the sound of things early one, it’s pretty clear what’s wrong. Rudy Gay isn’t getting enough shots. LET RUDY SPIN.

That was a joke. If anything, he’s getting way too many shots up. Then again, he’s a volume shooter. In order to get his, he needs a million shots to get there.

Then again, if the Raptors can manage to win let’s say two in a row, they might find themselves in first place. Yes, that’s how bad this division is.

I believe.

 

WE’RE NOT THE 2012-13 LAKERS, WE’RE JUST GOING THROUGH EARLY SEASON STRUGGLES 

Is that a dead giveaway? For reals, though, I hope these are early season struggles for the Brooklyn Nets. Quietly, other than the Miami Heat, Superstars coming together hasn’t really been that effective. But let’s let the season play out a little bit more before making an assessment such as that one.

The Nets are sitting at the bottom of the division, with their hands on their faces and wondering what went wrong. Meanwhile, Jason Kidd is off to the side twiddling his thumbs because we really know what he does for this team now – nothing, according to NBA scouts.

With that said, I still feel better about the Nets than I do about the team that we’re going to talk about later. Brooklyn, at least, has some excuses. They haven’t been healthy, don’t have the chemistry and still don’t have a head coach. Wait, you’re saying that Kidd is their coach? Oh ok.

Anyways, they have some “passes” to use.

I still feel fairly confident that this team is going to win the division, even if it is at 37-45.

 

DON’T FORGET ABOUT US, WE’RE BAD TOO…I MEAN…

And perhaps the biggest disappointment of the season thus far – the New York Knicks. But they have Carmelo Anthony. But they signed Metta World Peace. But…but…but…

“But next year, once we get another star to play beside Melo…man ya’ll ain’t gonna want any of this…”

It feels like that’s all we hear from Knicks fans: BUT NEXT SEASON…

Well, that “next season” was supposed to be this season. They were supposed to be the team that everyone was overlooking (with Miami and Indiana gaining all the attention out East), but the team that everyone would be sorry they overlooked. Well, right now they’re being overlooked but not in a good way.

It’s not the Spurs way of getting overlooked; it’s more like the Bobcats getting overlooked. And everyone loves every bit of it.

But honestly, the Knicks are bad. Their defense is bad, their offense is bad and their roster reeks. Their second best player is injured (Tyson Chandler) and J.R. Smith is playing like he ain’t got a damn thing to play for (now that he has his money). Iman Shumpert is as good as gone and Amar’e Stoudemire is out there on one wheel.

I’m pretty sure the Nets will bounce back, I’m not so sure about the Knicks. Next season we could be looking at the Knicks roster and thinking what in the world happened.

Melo will be in LA, Shumpert will be in Boston and Stoudemire will be in Milwaukee. Okay, I don’t know about that last one, but you get the picture.

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This division is bad, heck most of the Eastern Conference is bad. But just think, the winner of the Atlantic is guaranteed at least the fourth seed. So we could have a 30-win team finish the season at No. 4 in the East.

Perhaps the biggest indicator about how bad this division is?

This stat: The Atlantic Division has lost 14 straight games. Combined.

That’s all folks.

Tags: Atlantic Division Boston Celtics Brooklyn Nets NBA New York Knicks Philadelphia 76ers Toronto Raptors