Nov 13, 2013; Atlanta, GA, USA; New York Knicks power forward Andrea Bargnani (77) celebrates a three in the second half against the Atlanta Hawks at Philips Arena. The Knicks won 95-91. Mandatory Credit: Daniel Shirey-USA TODAY Sports

NBA Tanking Ranking (Week 5): Milwaukee ascends, New York still in state of shock

There are some bad teams in the NBA and then there are some really bad teams in the NBA. They stink more than my– I’ll stop there.

Anyways, they’re bad. So we decided to make a ranking for them since, ya know, tanking is going to be so popular in the NBA this season. Forget power rankings, we know the Miami Heat are always going to top that, but who’s leading the NBA tanking ranking?? Yes, we want to make that a thing.

The Knicks are still bad, the Nets, too. The Bulls might not be far behind and the Heat, Pacers and Spurs are definitely the class of the NBA.

So let’s get this thing started. First, we’ll sectionalize them by levels of smell, just to make it interesting. Here we go…week 5…


SMELLY UNDERWEAR – Bad, but manageable.

10. Washington Wizards 


Record: 5-8

The Wiz have won three of their last four. However, Bradley Beal is expected to miss the next two weeks — huge loss. Otto Porter finally returned to practice, maybe he can help in Beal’s absence. Though, there’s still no telling when Porter will actually make his NBA debut. Hopefully it’s sooner rather than later.  

9. Philadelphia 76ers


Record: 6-9

Michael Carter-Williams is a very good player, he’s going to be a huge piece for this Sixers team in the future. However, he could also be the reason why they don’t get one of the three top desired picks in next year’s draft. Look for Philly to trade Evan Turner in the near future. On the court, the Sixers have lost five of their last six. Ironically, not really, MCW missed three of those games.  

8. Boston Celtics 

LW: 8

Record: 6-10

After a six-game losing streak, the Celtics have recovered nicely with back-to-back wins. Word is that Rajon Rondo could return in the next month — a small glimmer of hope for Boston? 


USED DIAPERS – A little worse than dirty underwear, but the smell is very much noticeable.

7. Cleveland Cavaliers


Record: 4-10

After starting 2-2, the Cavs have lost 8 of their last 10. Safe to say that we all jumped on the Cleveland bandwagon way too quickly. Also, how bad does that Anthony Bennett pick look? 

6. Orlando Magic


Record: 4-9

On Saturday, the Magic played the Heat point-for-point. However, there are no moral victories in the NBA. That’s four-straight losses for Orlando.  


ROADKILL – Man, you smell that? What’d we hit?

5. Sacramento Kings

LW: 3

Record: 4-9

The Kings are in a rough stretch of their schedule — Phoenix back-to-back, the Clippers, Lakers, Clippers, Warriors and then the Thunder. Somehow starting that stretch 2-2 moves you up in the ranking. 

4. New York Knicks

LW: 6

Record: 3-10

Six-game losing streak and counting…when does Tyson Chandler return?


DEAD FISH – Yeap, they’re dead. Where are the close pins?

 3.  Brooklyn Nets

LW: 5

Record: 3-10

Welp. Welp. Welp. Injuries. Injuries. Injuries. Still think they win the Atlantic — if they can ever get healthy.  

2. Utah Jazz

LW: 1

Record: 2-11

Trey Burke is back. That gives the Jazz some hope. Hey! They beat the Bulls!

1. Milwaukee Bucks

LW: 2

Record: 2-11

The Bucks lost to the Pistons by 19, and the Pistons are not the class of the NBA by any stretch. Do the math. 



Tags: Boston Celtics Brooklyn Nets Cleveland Cavaliers Milwaukee Bucks NBA New York Knicks Orlando Magic Philadelphia 76ers Sacramento Kings Utah Jazz Washington Wizards

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