Dec 1, 2013; Auburn Hills, MI, USA; Detroit Pistons small forward Kyle Singler (25) loses the ball after being fouled by Philadelphia 76ers power forward Thaddeus Young (not pictured) in the fourth quarter at The Palace of Auburn Hills. Detroit won 115-100. Mandatory Credit: Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

NBA Tanking Rankings (week 6): Eastern Conference Rules

There are some bad teams in the NBA and then there are some really bad teams in the NBA. They stink more than my– I’ll stop there.

Anyways, they’re bad. So we decided to make a ranking for them since, ya know, tanking is going to be so popular in the NBA this season. Forget power rankings, we know the Miami Heat are always going to top that, but who’s leading the NBA tanking ranking?? Yes, we want to make that a thing.

The Knicks are still bad, the Nets, too. The Bulls might not be far behind and the Heat, Pacers and Spurs are definitely the class of the NBA.

So let’s get this thing started. First, we’ll sectionalize them by levels of smell, just to make it interesting. Here we go…week 5…


SMELLY UNDERWEAR – Bad, but manageable.

10. Detroit Pistons 


Record: 7-10

I have no idea what to make of the Pistons. I honestly though they’d be much better than they’ve been so far this season — I was wrong. Personally, I liked the Jennings/Drummond/Monroe combination. Defensively, it hasn’t been working so far. Maybe they can turn it around just in time? Maybe not. 

9. Charlotte Bobcats


Record: 8-10

I’m not sure how the Bobcats are currently in the playoffs. At 8-10 they shouldn’t be, but the Eastern Conference.   

8. Boston Celtics 

LW: 8

Record: 7-12

According to reports, Rajon Rondo is cleared or extremely close to being cleared. Much like the rest of the medical recoveries happening in the NBA, it’ll be up to Rondo on when and/or whether he returns this season. 


USED DIAPERS – A little worse than dirty underwear, but the smell is very much noticeable.

7. Orlando Magic

LW: 6

Record: 6-11

It feels like Victor Oladipo has at least one high-flying highlight per week. But it also feels like the Magic can only muster one win a week, at the same time. Story.  

6. Philadelphia 76ers

LW: 9

Record: 6-12

The Sixers have won one game in their past nine opportunities — and that win came against the Milwaukee Bucks. Says about all you need to know about the struggle that Philly is going through.   


ROADKILL – Man, you smell that? What’d we hit?

5. Brooklyn Nets

LW: 3

Record: 5-12

The Nets have won two of their last four — progress? They also have a huge showdown with the Knicks on Thursday. Someone has to win that game, right?  

4. Sacramento Kings

LW: 5

Record: 4-11

Again, talented but just can’t figure out how to put it all together. Derrick Williams was recently added and I’m not sure why. We’ll see. 


DEAD FISH – Yeap, they’re dead. Where are the close pins?

 3.  New York Knicks

LW: 4

Record: 3-13

Apparently, the Knicks would rather fight each other, rather than their opponents. Figures

2. Utah Jazz

LW: 2

Record: 4-15

I’m not sure if it really means anything, but the Jazz beat the Rockets last night. 

1. Milwaukee Bucks

LW: 1

Record: 3-13

The Bucks aren’t waiting for someone to come back from injury. They’re aren’t bagging on their core group of young players to grow up. They’re just bad. They need a franchise-saving lottery pick this season. Bad. 


Tags: Boston Celtics Brooklyn Nets Charlotte Bobcats Detroit Pistons Milwaukee Bucks NBA New York Knicks Orlando Magic Philadelphia 76ers Sacramento Kings Utah Jazz

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