I’m going to miss you, Kevin

I’m going to miss you, Kevin

Sometimes, I just don’t understand why things happen. Most of the time, it’s about sports. Whether it’s my favorite team losing in a certain fashion, or even a top free agent not electing to sign with the team I’m rooting for. More often than not, however, those circumstances pale in comparison to what’s really important in this world.

And over the past few days, I’ve been reminded that in the most unfortunate fashion.

Growing up, I considered myself an introvert – I never really enjoyed being the center of attention, nor did I openly let people in. I hid my feelings as best as I could and always tried to give the impression of a good life, even if it wasn’t the case.

That all began to change a couple of years ago. While part of that change had to do with marrying my best friend in 2015, another part had to be credited to my younger brother, Kevin.

Kevin was the baby of the family, and, boy, did he make sure we all knew that.

We grew up on the hardwood – actually, more like a concrete-wood. Those that know, know. We’d play 1-on-1 basketball games up to 100. Yes, many 1-on-1 games to 100. That’s not a typo. We could say that’s how much we loved basketball, but perhaps, subconsciously, this is the way we bonded. The way our words could never.

The games never ended on a happy note, either. No matter what the case was, one of us always emerged as a winner and one had to eat the ugly sandwich of defeat. Unfortunately for the loser on that given night, there were no refs to blame. Those that know, know.

As time grew on, so did our relationship.

Kevin graduated high school and shortly moved to Columbus, Ohio for two years to attend bible college. Our relationship was pretty much non-existent during those two years. We wouldn’t text much and if we did, it was short and didn’t last all that long.

After returning home from college, things had changed a ton. I got married later that year and then moved to Phoenix, Arizona for six months. The timing just never seemed right for our relationship to get back on the level as it was when we were young; I shrugged it off as “life.”

However, roughly two years ago, my wife and I made a decision to help Kevin as he became an Associate Pastor at a church – one that was foreign to my wife and I. It was a difficult decision – leaving a church that you grew up in, where the people there acted as your second family is never an easy pill to swallow. Those that know, know.

In retrospect, it ended up being one of the best decisions of my life.

Over the past two years, my relationship with Kevin grew so much. Even though I was still very much an introvert in my own way, I slowly began to flourish into the person that I am today. It felt like we were kids again.

We’d argue about sports almost on a daily basis. He liked the Knicks. Then, the Celtics. I know, don’t ask me why. He was also a huge Carmelo Anthony fan, and that only grew when LeBron James stiff-armed his Knicks in 2010 for my Heat. Yea, I didn’t let him hear the end of it.

Our relationship grew like I never thought it would. I know I could’ve told him anything, even though I still remained true to my introverted roots and most often than not, kept most of my feelings close to my vest.

Unfortunately, everything changed on Oct 24, 2019. Kevin was involved in a fatal car accident on his way to work. Even upon hearing the news, I couldn’t believe it. Not Kevin. Impossible. How? Why?

The past couple of days have felt like a nightmare that I can’t quite wake up from. It’s been filled with questions that will probably never be answered. My heart hurts. So much. It’s a pain that I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Had this tragic event happened two years ago, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to live with myself. Our relationship was dormant and I would be feeling so much regret right now. Thankfully, I spent the better part of the last 18 months working with him on a weekly basis.

We did church ministry together for only a year and a half, but it felt like a lifetime. This past August, almost three months ago, he opened his own church, Grace Life Church. I’m thankful that I got to be there for the meetings, the prayers, the hard times, the joyful times, the headaches and the highlights.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I’m thankful for the person that Kevin was. I don’t think I ever told him how much he meant to me, but I believe he knows now. Our relationship was built on a sport, basketball. Perhaps not the most ideal of ways you’d want a relationship built.

Nevertheless, it’s a bond that always brought us back to each other. The last text exchange that we had before the accident was about the NBA. Wednesday night, he was trying to tell me how the Knicks were back, haha. On cue, the Spurs came back to win the game. Typical Knicks.

His last message to me stated: “The Mavs are killing.”

Indeed they were, shouts to Luka.

While my heart hurts, I know Kevin is in a better place. He wouldn’t want me to be sad or mourning, but we’re human. And our emotion often gets the best of us. He always said there was purpose in the midst of pain. Now, it’s up to us to find that purpose.

So, as you read this, give your loved ones a hug. And hold on for a little longer. You just never know when it’s going to be over. In a blink of an eye, your entire life could change. It did for me.

I love you, Kevin. Go Knicks. Go Celtics.